Moms Buckle shopping excursion as told by her

So i go to mall today to shop for my daughter thinking a gift certificate at the Buckle. Im standing aimlessly at the entrance to the store when "mr gay" lookin like he step from GQ spots me and pulls me in with a big hello as he's folding some shirts. "How can i help u?" he asks. I state with confidence, "i want a gift certificate!"  He looks me up and down and motions me to the "counter".  Im still brimming with confidence and march up to the checkout. Meanwhile, I noticed mr gay has hand signalled his clerks and they move as drones toward me, some hiding in the clothes.  The girl at checkout is blonde amazon with waist 16 inches and boots that would rival Carrie's in sex and the city. Her hair and makeup kept me enthralled the entire time as I waited for her to speak. She said, "be with u in a sec!"  Just then someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "did i hear u ask for a gift certificate?"

 Turning around I encountered a nonstop motormouth with a dazzling rabbity smile that whipped out a tablet and proceeded to ask ur name and said oh yes, here's laurie,  her  size is  medium in blouse and she wear 28/34 in rockrevival and wouldnt u like a gift for her under the tree?" and pushed me to the table and had the jeans picked out in less than three minutes. My head began to buzz and vision dimmed as i looked at the price. Out of the corner of the good eye I saw her staring at me. I laughed a little nervously and muttered that I just wanted a gift certificate. She laughed and tossed her beaver smile which by the way was perfectly suited for her and said, "we need to get her something under the tree now don't we?"  She smelled so good, so i agreed and she said lets hit the blouse table and pushed me over to that in which she had whipped u an ensemble so fast my head spun.  Never once did she cease talking. When i said that was

 out of my price range with "patsy" on my forehead, she completely ignored me and herded me over to another table to "round out the dollar". I think that's code for get the most money out of me. There she left me.  I saw her later on with "mr gay" hovering over another unsuspecting mother that was undecided!!! Poor thing, i said to myself. She has no clue how they work in the Buckle"